McCain - don’t give up hope, you can still win
24 October 2008Dear John McCain,
Fret not Mr. McCain. All is not lost. Even though the current tally from elections.yahoo.com shows that Barack Obama has 355 electoral votes to your paltry 156, I have some advice for you that can turn things around.
It’s pretty simple really, just do what George W. Bush did to win the 2000 and 2004 elections. Here are the steps:
- Swing the borderline red states in your favor by taking a fake stance on a popular moral issue. Learn from George W. Bush. Right before the 2004 election, he introduced a proposition for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. This is a great way to rally the "red" states in your favor. Devout religious folks will gladly support such an anti-gay measure, and many of them will elect you based on this issue alone. Don’t worry, after the election, you won’t have to do anything about it. It can be completely forgotten. It’s just an election time game. George Bush never mentioned it again after he won the election — yet this undoubtedly helped him win some red states!
- Find bad man, and link him to the September 11th attacks. Take credit for it all. Don’t worry if it’s not true — the less educated people in America won’t bother to research the details. It just needs to be a face, preferably someone with a long beard and a turban, but even that’s optional. Following Bush’s example, Saddam Hussein was captured before the 2004 election. George W. Bush’s propaganda machine did an outstanding good job of linking Iraq to September 11th attacks. According to this CNN poll in 2006, 43% of the people in this country thought that Saddam Hussein was directly responsible for the September 11th attacks! Directly responsible!
McCain, follow in George W. Bush’s footsteps, and take advantage of the uneducated voters! They are ripe for manipulation. Capture a random person of Middle Eastern decent, and build a case for linking him to September 11th. The droves of lemmings in America will scream "We got him" in a triumphant glory, and associate the capture and victory with you. Here is a Bonus: - Have your bad guy be a GAY. - Rig the election. Call up your friends at Diebold. Their CEO promised to deliver Ohio to the Republican party, and that wound up winning the election for George W. Bush! Pick a few key battleground states with a lot of electoral votes, such as Florida and Ohio. A little rigging of the system is all it will take to have everything go your way. Democracy is great, but remember, it’s only as good as the voting system! Letting Obama win legitimately would go against the trend of the last two elections. Bend the rules a bit and make it go in your favor.
In case it wasn’t clear: Yes, this was a joke — a jab at the worst president in U.S. History, George W. Bush. I’m angry that he turned a prospering U.S. Economy into the worst in 80 years, debilitated international relations, made us less safe from terrorists by painting a giant bulls-eye on America. I’m angry that he spent hundreds of billions of dollars flexing our war muscle in Iraq because it was profitable — not because of a legitimate threat.
I’m angry at President Bush, but I’m even angrier at the American people for electing him for the wrong reasons. America, I don’t care if you vote for McCain or Obama, they are both good candidates. But please:
- Go educate yourselves
- Vote
- Make sure it gets counted correctly
on October 28th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7694528.stm
Hmmm….